Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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