ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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