quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
