After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
