The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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