I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
