My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
