I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
