Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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