I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
