Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize