everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
