I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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