It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
