I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
