I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
