These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
