his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
