Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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