Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
