Princesses don't give blow jobs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
