Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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