I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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