What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
