Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
