I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
