just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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