If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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