The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
