the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize