the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
