it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
