Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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