the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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