In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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