i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
