OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
