I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
