My hand turned me down
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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