Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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