i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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