I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
