She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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