so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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