Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
