after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
