Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
