I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
