Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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