sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
