Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
