Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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