He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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