Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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