One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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