Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
