I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
