lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
