You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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