so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
