there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As shirtless as possible
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
