The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
