even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
