btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
