So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
