She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
