i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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