I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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