My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
