I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
